Excerpt from a mothers CV

While raising three boys I have learnt to cook and bake, figured out how to disguise certain vegetables, have read a gazillion 'how to ..' books, fine tuned my social skills standing next to a sports field, realized that to have an organized nest I need to double up on multi tasking, went through all the grades 3 times over, learnt new words like ‘gnarly’ and ‘stoked’. I donned the “Florence Nightingale’ uniform on more occasions than I wanted to, attended/joined/ PTA meetings and took notes, accumulated handfuls of speeding fines getting to 3 different venues to support each child’s extra-curricular activities, fixed punctures on bicycles, called a whole lot of ‘time-outs’ over the years between the 3 of them, bought a lot of elastoplast, and taken many photo’s to document all the highs and lows. I admired their art, gave reviews on their ‘breakfasts in bed’, clapped and cheered the loudest at school plays, taught them to say please and thank you, to be true to themselves, to do things right. I have laughed and cried, praised and moaned with them; smiled and nagged at them; I’ve been proud, and then, been even prouder.   

Now they are all grown men, 2 with little families of their own. I’m still cooking and baking, still fine tuning my social skills but now on the internet, and learning new words like ‘links’ and ‘feeds’. The ‘how to’ books have been replaced by Google, I still get speeding fines on the way to different shopping centre’s, and as always I love my children.

Based on the above, this is what you now know about me:

·         I don't have the recipe to make daughters

·         I can cook and bake, with the added talent of being able to camouflage certain veggies

·         Researcher

·         Socially acceptable

·         Love sports, especially those that I can stand and chat on the side line

·         Obsessive compulsive organized lunatic

·         I have self-studied

·         Linguist and can use a dictionary

·         Can be a nurse and not harm you in many ways, quite deft when it comes to elastoplasts especially the cute picture ones

·         I have a tendency to speeding

·         I know how to ‘taxi’ therefore

o   I can use navigational equipment

·         ‘Manly’ equipment doesn’t faze me

·         I’m adept at being a referee

·         I can aim and shoot (camera that is, but don’t try me as I might be having a bad day and I own a weapon)

·         Appreciate art

·         Food critic

·         Life coach

·         Emotional woman

·         I have laughter lines and a couple of worry ones too

Can I at least get some response?

Taking over the world one list at a time

If taking over the world depended on making to-do lists, grocery lists, maintenance lists, cleaning lists, gardening and plant lists, art supplies and try my hand at this list, when to do this and when not to do that list, what craft or soap supplies to find, what books to read, where to eat and all the other hundreds of lists I make, I’m afraid Pinky and Brain don’t stand a chance. At the least I will most certainly be their No 1 sidekick, handing them their “list” for the night’s adventure.

For me, having these lists is my figurative daily rudder. Without them I am I could say lost, but motionless is the more appropriate description. With my trusty list in my hand I’m a schooner racing to the finish line, the sails billowing in the wind, driving me forward and onward to ticking off each ‘do’ as ‘done’, each don’t as didn’t.

Now, for effectiveness, peace of mind, calm waters, smooth sailing (read as control issues), I have one ‘big kahuna’  list – the mast of my schooner, the one that raises the sails of all the other to-do’s and don’ts.

It’s a beautiful day here in Cape Town, just enough wind for a pleasant sail. Were I able to hoist my schooner’s sails, I sure would be cutting a mean picture on the blue waters. Sadly, I have wasted time looking for my misplaced ‘big kahuna’ list, and without my mast I figuratively more resemble The Titanic.

Good luck Pinky and Brain, I won’t make it tonight.